the key

the boundaries between us are blooming into something entirely different.

blooming. yes, blooming. what is there is lovely. exquisite in its forbidden, intricately woven layers that are left untouched. locked on the other side. a secret garden that cannot be unlocked.

though, that's not true. it could be. i hold the key. at any moment, these hands could reach for it pull it from my deep pocket and tuck it in the clean lock. never used before. as if it were as new as the silver locked recently installed on the door of my broken classroom.

the energy between us gyrates like nothing i've experienced yet. energy of something never to be born, something brimming, something quite intangible.

it is there. i know not what to do with it. i certainly know better than to grasp onto it and take it as mine. for, it isn't mine.

the boundaries are now... fluid. nearly porous and ill-defined. it is a task to maintain them, a chore to manage their durability as they weaken in the glaring pressure of the energy that flows in its own orbit around us.

does it matter that i could not have predicted this moment? is there weight at all to the fact that i thought nothing of her at first?



i suppose there is.

oh but there's her companionship.
and her abounding goofiness bouncing throughout the minutes that sweep us together.
and those gloriously plump blue eyes-- mirrors of my own.

and there's everything we'll never be together.
desired tangibles unshared.
moments of brutal clarity in which light shines on the gap between us to illuminate the certain fall to the pit.

it is spectacular in its fiery tingling. there are moments when i have lost myself so entirely the tingling leads my hands towards her. crests them on her belly and folds me into her hands.

meanwhile, every bit of me aches, starves, scarcely breathes.
because i know.

i know it is momentary.
i know of the pain that would surely follow ruptured boundaries.
i know it is certain and true.
on some level. for her and for me.
though, ultimately, it is not the level i can dwell on for long.

she knows that.
i know that.


that something so exquisitely poisonous blossoms on the other side of the wall, in that garden to which only i hold the key.